Happy New Year

And thank whatever gods you worship that 2010 is done with. It was truly an annus horriblis for me.

I know I posted about my miscarriage when Dad died, but since then I’ve had two more, the last being far more traumatic because I had to take time off work because of the threatened miscarriage, have several blood tests in a lab that had (seemingly) hundreds of pictures of smiling babies on display, two ultrasounds and finally a d&c when it was confirmed the baby was dead.

And we had (for the first time) allowed ourselves to get excited and told the in-laws that we were expecting (mostly for fear they’d hear it through other means than us and get their noses out of joint). Thankfully, MIL resisted spending up big in Baby Next as it was so early on. It’s so awful, I can’t begin to describe the trauma I felt when I had that second ultrasound that confirmed what the blood tests had been hinting at but not stating definitively. My baby was dead – there was no heartbeat or blood flow. And I had thought I should be 8-9 weeks along but the ultrasound was showing only 7. Seeing the little thing there floating in space was wonderful and heartbreaking. More so when the sonographer turned on the doppler to assess blood flow and there was none where all my uterus around was pulsing with life there was nothing to be seen in the little baby. Just dark and (seemingly) cold. And of course, like the previous times, Darren was away from home and could not comfort me (a further cause of distress for him).

And this all happened a week before Xmas. The timing couldn’t have been worse. I had to have the d&c on Tuesday – I felt almost normal on Wednesday, and went back to work on Thursday. Xmas was on Saturday, and it was just the to of us and Darren’s father, who’s been visiting from the UK for a few weeks. There was supposed to have been more, but Darren rang our other guests and asked if they could find somewhere else to go because he was worried about me.

I had a weekend to think about having the d&c (because I could have just let nature take its course as I had previously), and I was lucky enough to fly to Sydney to attend Mimbles’s Xmas/Adam’s 42nd birthday party. Darren and Jon met me at the airport and we had a lovely evening with the Browncoats of Sydney and their friends. On Sunday made a brief pilgrimage to the QVB building, then visited with a couple of friends of mine from Perth who now live in Newtown with a very adorable whippet puppy. We ate at a place called Pastizzi's on King St. It’s at the far end of King St, and it was amazing. And cheap. Sydney people, go check it out. 

The good news in all this is that the d&c went relatively smoothly. I was very stressed and upset going in as I was alone and had no idea what to expect from the procedure or the anaesthetic. I seem to have recovered from it well enough and we are generally healthy and happy and will be moving on with our lives.

I am SOOooo glad 2010 is over with. Bring on 2011!

Under doctor’s orders

I have to admit to being surprised at how well I’ve coped with going back to work. Of course, that was okay while I was only working shift (effectively a few days a week) but going back to days this week was a little difficult. This week, I seem to have lost my shit. Well, today really. I went to work – well I didn’t want to go to work (but when do I ever?) – and didn’t get there.

I freaked out while waiting for the bus.

I’d caught the train as far as Hoddle St and was waiting for the bus that takes me the rest of the way to work and I just got so sad about my dad that when the bus appeared, I got up and walked away from the stop and got back on the train and went home again. I called in sick. And then felt guilty about it. But I was in no condition to go to work. I do not know what came over me, I was just so, so sad about my father. And I was so relieved to get home again.

Late in the afternoon I went to the doctor, and she listened.

I had trouble getting myself out the door and driving was an effort. She asked if I felt that what I was feeling was abnormal – no, I don’t. I’m just surprised it’s hit me a month after his death like this. She told me to go home and take a long weekend, and offered me more sleeping tablets (I did take a few before the funeral, but I think I’ve been pretty good about it since then) and valium if I felt I needed it. Both of which I refused, but despite thinking that taking another day off work was a bit self-indulgent, I have decided to listen to her about that. But she says I should go out and do something today. The only problem with that is it really conflicts with my protestant work ethic. I’m off sick. I should be sitting at home being sick. And going out (or going shopping which is what I want to do) seems to be a little immoral. However, I am under orders. The reason being, she said, I’m at risk of becoming a shut-in because I had two freak-outs yesterday.

So what to do? Does anyone feel as I do? That shopping is inappropriate?

August Horriblis

Apart from the appalling hung parliament that was thrown up by the recent federal election, and my absolute horror at the prospect of having Tony Abbott as Prime Minister for the next three years, August has been a bad month for me.

I’ve been miserable this Winter here in Melbourne. I feel like there’s been no sunlight at all. Just relentless grey cloud, hanging over all of us, but not favouring us with much rain.

I discovered I was pregnant (a combination of huzzah! and OMFG! feelings followed).

Then I miscarried.

Then, when I was miserable and being comforted by Darren, my mother phoned to tell me that my father had died.

I had to fly to Perth to sort out his affairs and organise the funeral. At least the weather was sunny and mild for the most part.

It was very sudden, apparently his heart just stopped. He didn’t tell anyone he was ill.

He did not leave a will or any instructions. We’ve been forced to just make arrangements and hope that he would have approved. The memory of him in his coffin is going to haunt me for months, perhaps my whole life. He looked so small because of their stupid shroud, which I ended up pushing aside. He was not a small man. And he looked so well – they’d put makeup on him – he looked like he was about to sit up and say “haha, suckers!”

It’s now September, the start of Spring. And thank the gods. Though the weather’s as bleak and miserable today as the winter has been, it’s at least not as cold.

I am going to disable comments as I recognise that all my f-list will feel the appropriate sympathies. Best wishes to you all. x

I love you Dad.

August Horriblis

Apart from the appalling hung parliament that was thrown up by the recent federal election, and my absolute horror at the prospect of having Tony Abbott as Prime Minister for the next three years, August has been a bad month for me.

I’ve been miserable this Winter here in Melbourne. I feel like there’s been no sunlight at all. Just relentless grey cloud, hanging over all of us, but not favouring us with much rain.

I discovered I was pregnant (a combination of huzzah! and OMFG! feelings followed).

Then I miscarried.

Then, when I was miserable and being comforted by Darren, my mother phoned to tell me that my father had died.

I had to fly to Perth to sort out his affairs and organise the funeral. At least the weather was sunny and mild for the most part.

It was very sudden, apparently his heart just stopped. He didn’t tell anyone he was ill.

He did not leave a will or any instructions. We’ve been forced to just make arrangements and hope that he would have approved. The memory of him in his coffin is going to haunt me for months, perhaps my whole life. He looked so small because of their stupid shroud, which I ended up pushing aside. He was not a small man. And he looked so well – they’d put makeup on him – he looked like he was about to sit up and say “haha, suckers!” 

It’s now September, the start of Spring. And thank the gods. Though the weather’s as bleak and miserable today as the winter has been, it’s at least not as cold.

I am going to disable comments as I recognise that all my f-list will feel the appropriate sympathies. Best wishes to you all. x

I love you Dad.

There’s something about New Zealand

Trips to New Zealand seem to generate inordinate amounts of stress for us.

A couple of years ago I actually got to the airport for a Friday evening flight to Auckland, was parked and waiting for the airport bus when I realised I didn’t have my passport with me.

There was much associated stress and panic. Because of the time difference and the length of the flight, missing a flight to NZ can cost you a whole day. On that day at least, it was the last flight for the day and the next one would have had me in NZ at 3pm the following day! So you can imagine. Anyway, about an hour of insane driving later, I made it back to Tullamarine, most agitated by this point and expecting several speeding tickets to arrive promptly in the mail) , ran to the check-in desk with my luggage in tow and begged them to not close the flight to me. Then ran back to the car where I’d forgotten my mobile phone so I could actually call Darren to tell him I made the flight (and no, I still haven’t learnt his number, and today I learnt he hasn’t learnt mine yet either – stupid technology crutches). The FAs, when I reached the plane, gave me water and told me to sit down because I looked like I was going to have a heart attack. I didn’t, but I did have asthma for a few hours from the unaccustomed exercise. Also, despite NZ food and booze, I lost 3kg that weekend. Just goes to show what running can do for you. :)

Fast forward a couple of years to today. Darren is off for two weeks for work in Wellington. Up at 5:30 (though as an aside, Barry and hunger because we didn’t eat dinner last night, meant that I’d been awake since 4am), drove Darren to the airport and headed home with plans to drop back in bed. As I’m parking the car at home, looking forward to heading back to bed, I notice Darren’s black fleece jacket in the back seat.

Haha, I think, after all that fuss about packing he’ll have to manage without it. I thought he was overpacking anyway.

So I ring him to let him know.

And the phone vibrates in his pocket in the jacket.

OMFG!!! It’s a BUSINESS TRIP. He NEEDS the phone.

Back out on the road (cursing for the thousandth time our non-automatic garage door that I have to get out to close and lock AGAIN). Desperately trying to phone the airline desk at the airport. I’ve tried this before, does anyone have any inkling how hard it is to contact an airline’s desk at an actual airport? And does anyone have any inkling how USELESS Three’s (the phone company’s) directory assistance is? Anyway, on the third try, some nice lady with a broad Kiwi accent in AirNZ’s travel desk get a message through to check-in for me and the message came back that if I got there by 8am, they could make sure he gets it, but they couldn’t page him. As I’m turning the phone off so it’s locked (because I’ll be handing it to a stranger), I realise his WALLET and KEYS (to the locks on his luggage) are also in the jacket pockets! (have I mentioned that I hate this habit of his, as I’m always scared his stuff will be lost from falling out?)

(I’m tempted here to insert the head-explodey picture again – but I stole it from someone’s blog http://www.fuchsiamac.com/ actually )

So not only has he no phone, he’s got no money or cards to buy another or clothes without possibly breaking his bag!

At this point (of course), I get caught in a traffic jam entering the airport.

But I made it there with time to spare (again, I expect multiple speeding tickets to arrive), and found Darren just inside the doors to the airport (I thought it prudent to look for him before trusting his wallet – don’t care much about the phone – to strangers), pacing up and down, getting more and more frantic that I didn’t appear back with his jacket. Queue dramatic emotional scenes of relief and the awarding of mega wife points! \o/

And now I’m absolutely exhausted and wrung out. But I did finish a knitted hat this arvo, so I feel good about that. :)

Mad March Continues

Sunday dawned clear but still windy and we had a late start, a hearty breakfast, packed up some drinks and a lunch and headed out to the Promontory itself.

Despite booking the closest accommodation to the actual Prom that was possible, it was still a good hour’s drive into the national park before we reached the campsite and general store. We’d done a bit of research about walks, and told the park staff where we were off to, just in case. Ever since the fires in the park last year, they like you to let them know where you’re likely to be, just in case.

We’d chosen a short walk, a couple of hours around a little cape with views to the Squeaky Beach. There were lovely views all over the place. Looks like an easy enough walk, doesn’t it? It got harder.

The river leading to the beach near the campsite.

People making their way to the beach.

Squeaky beach, from on high. And rocks. This is where we started heading back downhill, and it got hard on the knees and ankles, and a bit slippery underfoot as well. I need better hiking shoes (add that to the list of things we can’t really afford).

Dead tree with hill.

Random wildflowers.

Weird fungi I spotted.

The view of the campsite as we rounded the final bend.

There was a guy there about our age walking the trail with two intellectually challenged and one Down Syndrome kid. They were all teens actually, and they were having the time of their lives, while the bloke was doing it a bit tough, like me. We were treated to the magical picture of the Downs kid doing pirouettes on the trail while he waited for the others to catch up with him. I was inspired to do a few pirouettes of my own:

I did it!

(Darren’s been walking The Tan every day at lunch and a lot fitter than me at the moment)

Following that adventure, we judged we deserved a bit of a swim and headed to the Squeaky Beach. Which lived up to its name. The sand is so fine and white and clean that it squeaks as you walk on it. I have to admit though that the water was so cold, I chickened out when I was waist deep. It’s not like swimming in the topics down here in the Southern Ocean, not at all, and it seems our holidays in Broome and Darwin (where the water is warm and the pools are heated anyway) have made me into a big wussy. Never mind, I had a nice laze on the beach while Darren proved himself hardier than I once again.

After that, we decided to head back to our cabin for a well-deserved shower, spotting a huge wedge-tailed eagle on the way, and had a big dinner and were in bed early. Which meant the next morning, we woke up and dragged our blankies outside to sit and watch this:

But it got weird. Can you see it?

What about now?

How about now?

I did a search of satellites, comets and other space objects and even spacecraft (thinking it might be the shuttle, but I found out it takes 18mins for orbit, so it wouldn’t have been visible and near-stationary for so long, and also, it wasn’t out at that time) when we got home and could not find any explanation for it. It stayed visible for at least 5mins before it disappeared (presumably as the sun moved and was no longer lighting it). It was not a plane or meteorite as it would have passed from sight sooner. If anyone can tell me, I’d love to know what it was.

Soon, though we were just left with this:

And finally this:

And that was our last morning on the Prom. We drove around a bit and had a good mooch at a local market on the way home (where I found six sixpence for $15, intending to put them in a Christmas pudding, and then Darren declared that most of them were too valuable and he was keeping them!). Barry was happy to see us on our arrival, and we’d had a lovely break.

Mad March

March. Was a mad month. Two birthdays and a mini-holiday, with work and the previously mentioned trip to Mum’s thrown in.

Darren’s birthday was greeted with enthusiasm by at least one of us

And there was help with the unwrapping

And then we headed out on the (slightly long) drive to Noojee to join the World’s Longest Lunch at the Noojee Trestle Bridge

(looking at the recent photos, I’m a bit worried about my camera’s light metre *sigh*)

There was some milling around beforehand, while we wondered where we would be seated, and with whom.

Then we headed up to the top.

And discovered we were right at the other end! Which actually was great (though it was the furthest from the porta-loos) because it was nice and shady when it got hot later on. Yes, the weather was amazing that day, bright, sunny not to cold at first, then not too hot when it warmed up.

Note Darren in the hat being shamelessly flirted with. One of our fellow diners took a shine to him. I’d like to say it made me mad, but I enjoyed it that my man is wanted by others.

A good deal of food and wine was consumed, and then I was reminded (in this photo) that I still have a lot of weight to lose.

All too soon it was time to head down again.

And head to Wilson’s Promontory. This is the view we were greeted with from our little cabin.

It was incredibly windy for two of the three days we were there. The owners apologised and said it was unusual, but I came to suspect that it’s windy there all the time. Only another visit where the weather is perfect will convince me otherwise. ;-)

There was also cloud covering the hills on the Prom for almost the whole time we were there. It’s weird that the cloud stayed despite the wind.

The next day, we went into town for provisions, a bit of a mooch (seriously, anyone who wants a Konica Minolta Dynax 7 digital and tripod and lenses for $600, I know where you can get it – I came soooo close to buying it for myself. I love Minolta cameras). Yahtzee was purchased to pass the evening in the cabin (nostalgia), and then we went for a drive

And discovered the adorable town of Fish Creek.

…and their great collection of street chairs.

They also had a great second-hand bookstore (we love those) and a couple of galleries where local artists showed their stuff. Sadly, as usual, we couldn’t agree on any single piece.

I better cut this off now and continue in a second post. There’s pretty beach photos to follow. :)