Happy New Year

And thank whatever gods you worship that 2010 is done with. It was truly an annus horriblis for me.

I know I posted about my miscarriage when Dad died, but since then I’ve had two more, the last being far more traumatic because I had to take time off work because of the threatened miscarriage, have several blood tests in a lab that had (seemingly) hundreds of pictures of smiling babies on display, two ultrasounds and finally a d&c when it was confirmed the baby was dead.

And we had (for the first time) allowed ourselves to get excited and told the in-laws that we were expecting (mostly for fear they’d hear it through other means than us and get their noses out of joint). Thankfully, MIL resisted spending up big in Baby Next as it was so early on. It’s so awful, I can’t begin to describe the trauma I felt when I had that second ultrasound that confirmed what the blood tests had been hinting at but not stating definitively. My baby was dead – there was no heartbeat or blood flow. And I had thought I should be 8-9 weeks along but the ultrasound was showing only 7. Seeing the little thing there floating in space was wonderful and heartbreaking. More so when the sonographer turned on the doppler to assess blood flow and there was none where all my uterus around was pulsing with life there was nothing to be seen in the little baby. Just dark and (seemingly) cold. And of course, like the previous times, Darren was away from home and could not comfort me (a further cause of distress for him).

And this all happened a week before Xmas. The timing couldn’t have been worse. I had to have the d&c on Tuesday – I felt almost normal on Wednesday, and went back to work on Thursday. Xmas was on Saturday, and it was just the to of us and Darren’s father, who’s been visiting from the UK for a few weeks. There was supposed to have been more, but Darren rang our other guests and asked if they could find somewhere else to go because he was worried about me.

I had a weekend to think about having the d&c (because I could have just let nature take its course as I had previously), and I was lucky enough to fly to Sydney to attend Mimbles’s Xmas/Adam’s 42nd birthday party. Darren and Jon met me at the airport and we had a lovely evening with the Browncoats of Sydney and their friends. On Sunday made a brief pilgrimage to the QVB building, then visited with a couple of friends of mine from Perth who now live in Newtown with a very adorable whippet puppy. We ate at a place called Pastizzi's on King St. It’s at the far end of King St, and it was amazing. And cheap. Sydney people, go check it out. 

The good news in all this is that the d&c went relatively smoothly. I was very stressed and upset going in as I was alone and had no idea what to expect from the procedure or the anaesthetic. I seem to have recovered from it well enough and we are generally healthy and happy and will be moving on with our lives.

I am SOOooo glad 2010 is over with. Bring on 2011!