Under doctor’s orders

I have to admit to being surprised at how well I’ve coped with going back to work. Of course, that was okay while I was only working shift (effectively a few days a week) but going back to days this week was a little difficult. This week, I seem to have lost my shit. Well, today really. I went to work – well I didn’t want to go to work (but when do I ever?) – and didn’t get there.

I freaked out while waiting for the bus.

I’d caught the train as far as Hoddle St and was waiting for the bus that takes me the rest of the way to work and I just got so sad about my dad that when the bus appeared, I got up and walked away from the stop and got back on the train and went home again. I called in sick. And then felt guilty about it. But I was in no condition to go to work. I do not know what came over me, I was just so, so sad about my father. And I was so relieved to get home again.

Late in the afternoon I went to the doctor, and she listened.

I had trouble getting myself out the door and driving was an effort. She asked if I felt that what I was feeling was abnormal – no, I don’t. I’m just surprised it’s hit me a month after his death like this. She told me to go home and take a long weekend, and offered me more sleeping tablets (I did take a few before the funeral, but I think I’ve been pretty good about it since then) and valium if I felt I needed it. Both of which I refused, but despite thinking that taking another day off work was a bit self-indulgent, I have decided to listen to her about that. But she says I should go out and do something today. The only problem with that is it really conflicts with my protestant work ethic. I’m off sick. I should be sitting at home being sick. And going out (or going shopping which is what I want to do) seems to be a little immoral. However, I am under orders. The reason being, she said, I’m at risk of becoming a shut-in because I had two freak-outs yesterday.

So what to do? Does anyone feel as I do? That shopping is inappropriate?

August Horriblis

Apart from the appalling hung parliament that was thrown up by the recent federal election, and my absolute horror at the prospect of having Tony Abbott as Prime Minister for the next three years, August has been a bad month for me.

I’ve been miserable this Winter here in Melbourne. I feel like there’s been no sunlight at all. Just relentless grey cloud, hanging over all of us, but not favouring us with much rain.

I discovered I was pregnant (a combination of huzzah! and OMFG! feelings followed).

Then I miscarried.

Then, when I was miserable and being comforted by Darren, my mother phoned to tell me that my father had died.

I had to fly to Perth to sort out his affairs and organise the funeral. At least the weather was sunny and mild for the most part.

It was very sudden, apparently his heart just stopped. He didn’t tell anyone he was ill.

He did not leave a will or any instructions. We’ve been forced to just make arrangements and hope that he would have approved. The memory of him in his coffin is going to haunt me for months, perhaps my whole life. He looked so small because of their stupid shroud, which I ended up pushing aside. He was not a small man. And he looked so well – they’d put makeup on him – he looked like he was about to sit up and say “haha, suckers!”

It’s now September, the start of Spring. And thank the gods. Though the weather’s as bleak and miserable today as the winter has been, it’s at least not as cold.

I am going to disable comments as I recognise that all my f-list will feel the appropriate sympathies. Best wishes to you all. x

I love you Dad.

August Horriblis

Apart from the appalling hung parliament that was thrown up by the recent federal election, and my absolute horror at the prospect of having Tony Abbott as Prime Minister for the next three years, August has been a bad month for me.

I’ve been miserable this Winter here in Melbourne. I feel like there’s been no sunlight at all. Just relentless grey cloud, hanging over all of us, but not favouring us with much rain.

I discovered I was pregnant (a combination of huzzah! and OMFG! feelings followed).

Then I miscarried.

Then, when I was miserable and being comforted by Darren, my mother phoned to tell me that my father had died.

I had to fly to Perth to sort out his affairs and organise the funeral. At least the weather was sunny and mild for the most part.

It was very sudden, apparently his heart just stopped. He didn’t tell anyone he was ill.

He did not leave a will or any instructions. We’ve been forced to just make arrangements and hope that he would have approved. The memory of him in his coffin is going to haunt me for months, perhaps my whole life. He looked so small because of their stupid shroud, which I ended up pushing aside. He was not a small man. And he looked so well – they’d put makeup on him – he looked like he was about to sit up and say “haha, suckers!” 

It’s now September, the start of Spring. And thank the gods. Though the weather’s as bleak and miserable today as the winter has been, it’s at least not as cold.

I am going to disable comments as I recognise that all my f-list will feel the appropriate sympathies. Best wishes to you all. x

I love you Dad.

There’s something about New Zealand

Trips to New Zealand seem to generate inordinate amounts of stress for us.

A couple of years ago I actually got to the airport for a Friday evening flight to Auckland, was parked and waiting for the airport bus when I realised I didn’t have my passport with me.

There was much associated stress and panic. Because of the time difference and the length of the flight, missing a flight to NZ can cost you a whole day. On that day at least, it was the last flight for the day and the next one would have had me in NZ at 3pm the following day! So you can imagine. Anyway, about an hour of insane driving later, I made it back to Tullamarine, most agitated by this point and expecting several speeding tickets to arrive promptly in the mail) , ran to the check-in desk with my luggage in tow and begged them to not close the flight to me. Then ran back to the car where I’d forgotten my mobile phone so I could actually call Darren to tell him I made the flight (and no, I still haven’t learnt his number, and today I learnt he hasn’t learnt mine yet either – stupid technology crutches). The FAs, when I reached the plane, gave me water and told me to sit down because I looked like I was going to have a heart attack. I didn’t, but I did have asthma for a few hours from the unaccustomed exercise. Also, despite NZ food and booze, I lost 3kg that weekend. Just goes to show what running can do for you. :)

Fast forward a couple of years to today. Darren is off for two weeks for work in Wellington. Up at 5:30 (though as an aside, Barry and hunger because we didn’t eat dinner last night, meant that I’d been awake since 4am), drove Darren to the airport and headed home with plans to drop back in bed. As I’m parking the car at home, looking forward to heading back to bed, I notice Darren’s black fleece jacket in the back seat.

Haha, I think, after all that fuss about packing he’ll have to manage without it. I thought he was overpacking anyway.

So I ring him to let him know.

And the phone vibrates in his pocket in the jacket.

OMFG!!! It’s a BUSINESS TRIP. He NEEDS the phone.

Back out on the road (cursing for the thousandth time our non-automatic garage door that I have to get out to close and lock AGAIN). Desperately trying to phone the airline desk at the airport. I’ve tried this before, does anyone have any inkling how hard it is to contact an airline’s desk at an actual airport? And does anyone have any inkling how USELESS Three’s (the phone company’s) directory assistance is? Anyway, on the third try, some nice lady with a broad Kiwi accent in AirNZ’s travel desk get a message through to check-in for me and the message came back that if I got there by 8am, they could make sure he gets it, but they couldn’t page him. As I’m turning the phone off so it’s locked (because I’ll be handing it to a stranger), I realise his WALLET and KEYS (to the locks on his luggage) are also in the jacket pockets! (have I mentioned that I hate this habit of his, as I’m always scared his stuff will be lost from falling out?)

(I’m tempted here to insert the head-explodey picture again – but I stole it from someone’s blog http://www.fuchsiamac.com/ actually )

So not only has he no phone, he’s got no money or cards to buy another or clothes without possibly breaking his bag!

At this point (of course), I get caught in a traffic jam entering the airport.

But I made it there with time to spare (again, I expect multiple speeding tickets to arrive), and found Darren just inside the doors to the airport (I thought it prudent to look for him before trusting his wallet – don’t care much about the phone – to strangers), pacing up and down, getting more and more frantic that I didn’t appear back with his jacket. Queue dramatic emotional scenes of relief and the awarding of mega wife points! \o/

And now I’m absolutely exhausted and wrung out. But I did finish a knitted hat this arvo, so I feel good about that. :)

Mad March Continues

Sunday dawned clear but still windy and we had a late start, a hearty breakfast, packed up some drinks and a lunch and headed out to the Promontory itself.

Despite booking the closest accommodation to the actual Prom that was possible, it was still a good hour’s drive into the national park before we reached the campsite and general store. We’d done a bit of research about walks, and told the park staff where we were off to, just in case. Ever since the fires in the park last year, they like you to let them know where you’re likely to be, just in case.

We’d chosen a short walk, a couple of hours around a little cape with views to the Squeaky Beach. There were lovely views all over the place. Looks like an easy enough walk, doesn’t it? It got harder.

The river leading to the beach near the campsite.

People making their way to the beach.

Squeaky beach, from on high. And rocks. This is where we started heading back downhill, and it got hard on the knees and ankles, and a bit slippery underfoot as well. I need better hiking shoes (add that to the list of things we can’t really afford).

Dead tree with hill.

Random wildflowers.

Weird fungi I spotted.

The view of the campsite as we rounded the final bend.

There was a guy there about our age walking the trail with two intellectually challenged and one Down Syndrome kid. They were all teens actually, and they were having the time of their lives, while the bloke was doing it a bit tough, like me. We were treated to the magical picture of the Downs kid doing pirouettes on the trail while he waited for the others to catch up with him. I was inspired to do a few pirouettes of my own:

I did it!

(Darren’s been walking The Tan every day at lunch and a lot fitter than me at the moment)

Following that adventure, we judged we deserved a bit of a swim and headed to the Squeaky Beach. Which lived up to its name. The sand is so fine and white and clean that it squeaks as you walk on it. I have to admit though that the water was so cold, I chickened out when I was waist deep. It’s not like swimming in the topics down here in the Southern Ocean, not at all, and it seems our holidays in Broome and Darwin (where the water is warm and the pools are heated anyway) have made me into a big wussy. Never mind, I had a nice laze on the beach while Darren proved himself hardier than I once again.

After that, we decided to head back to our cabin for a well-deserved shower, spotting a huge wedge-tailed eagle on the way, and had a big dinner and were in bed early. Which meant the next morning, we woke up and dragged our blankies outside to sit and watch this:

But it got weird. Can you see it?

What about now?

How about now?

I did a search of satellites, comets and other space objects and even spacecraft (thinking it might be the shuttle, but I found out it takes 18mins for orbit, so it wouldn’t have been visible and near-stationary for so long, and also, it wasn’t out at that time) when we got home and could not find any explanation for it. It stayed visible for at least 5mins before it disappeared (presumably as the sun moved and was no longer lighting it). It was not a plane or meteorite as it would have passed from sight sooner. If anyone can tell me, I’d love to know what it was.

Soon, though we were just left with this:

And finally this:

And that was our last morning on the Prom. We drove around a bit and had a good mooch at a local market on the way home (where I found six sixpence for $15, intending to put them in a Christmas pudding, and then Darren declared that most of them were too valuable and he was keeping them!). Barry was happy to see us on our arrival, and we’d had a lovely break.

Mad March

March. Was a mad month. Two birthdays and a mini-holiday, with work and the previously mentioned trip to Mum’s thrown in.

Darren’s birthday was greeted with enthusiasm by at least one of us

And there was help with the unwrapping

And then we headed out on the (slightly long) drive to Noojee to join the World’s Longest Lunch at the Noojee Trestle Bridge

(looking at the recent photos, I’m a bit worried about my camera’s light metre *sigh*)

There was some milling around beforehand, while we wondered where we would be seated, and with whom.

Then we headed up to the top.

And discovered we were right at the other end! Which actually was great (though it was the furthest from the porta-loos) because it was nice and shady when it got hot later on. Yes, the weather was amazing that day, bright, sunny not to cold at first, then not too hot when it warmed up.

Note Darren in the hat being shamelessly flirted with. One of our fellow diners took a shine to him. I’d like to say it made me mad, but I enjoyed it that my man is wanted by others.

A good deal of food and wine was consumed, and then I was reminded (in this photo) that I still have a lot of weight to lose.

All too soon it was time to head down again.

And head to Wilson’s Promontory. This is the view we were greeted with from our little cabin.

It was incredibly windy for two of the three days we were there. The owners apologised and said it was unusual, but I came to suspect that it’s windy there all the time. Only another visit where the weather is perfect will convince me otherwise. ;-)

There was also cloud covering the hills on the Prom for almost the whole time we were there. It’s weird that the cloud stayed despite the wind.

The next day, we went into town for provisions, a bit of a mooch (seriously, anyone who wants a Konica Minolta Dynax 7 digital and tripod and lenses for $600, I know where you can get it – I came soooo close to buying it for myself. I love Minolta cameras). Yahtzee was purchased to pass the evening in the cabin (nostalgia), and then we went for a drive

And discovered the adorable town of Fish Creek.

…and their great collection of street chairs.

They also had a great second-hand bookstore (we love those) and a couple of galleries where local artists showed their stuff. Sadly, as usual, we couldn’t agree on any single piece.

I better cut this off now and continue in a second post. There’s pretty beach photos to follow. :)

Kitten for adoption - Melbourne

A friend of mine is looking to rehome the most adorable little cutie!

She is approx 8 weeks old found on the swamp lands of Geelong.  Re homing fee of $160 which will cover de sexing, first round of vacc, worming and micro chipping.

She is currently almost litter trained and LOVES other animals.  She has had exposure to dogs, rabbits and birds however I would always make sure to watch her around them.  She will also need to be rehomed into a house that either is home most of the day or has other animals she will not handle being left alone for long periods of time!

She will be ready to go in the next few weeks once her desexing is completed, visits from new owners are always welcome.  She is a mixed DSH however I have had people say that she looks like she has some Bengal in her.

Anniversary

Today marks two great years since Darren and I got married.

He’s a wonderful man, patient, thoughtful and kind and I’m so happy we took the plunge together.

I love you, my hubby. <3

Updatey

Man, why do I neglect my LJ so much? I read LJ and Blogger every day, so I don’t understand why I’m so crap at updating it.

Example: my incomplete holiday entries. Will I ever get around to finishing them before we head off on our next holiday? (unknown)

What have I been up to? Darren’s Aunty Rae and Uncle John visited from England, which was nice. We got to play host (took them to Donovan’s) and drive them around the state (the Penguin Parade!) a bit before packing them off to the other rellies in Warrnambool. And Xmas with Mum and co. up in Murwillumbah, which was nice, and would probably have been the last time I visited there, as my mother is moving again. Why does she wait for me to get really comfortable and attached to a place (and her in it) and then up sticks and move? It’s only been three years! I don’t like to move more often than once every five-ten years, but it seems she can’t help herself! Anyway. It’s a bit upsetting. But I’ll survive. The fact is, I love that little town and it’s always a wonderful respite from Melbourne. The weather’s never the same there as here, and it RAINS there. A lot. At Xmas, we thought we were going to get flooded in because of the swollen river. Coming from Melbourne where we are carrying grey water to our camellias in buckets so they don’t die, it’s wonderful to see. I wish we could move up there and become hippies like half of the rest of the population. Though I’d make a shit hippie, as I like new and trendy stuff and, you know, bathe and wear deodorant. (seriously, can’t they smell themselves?!) If only Darren’s company had an office there. Or a reason to set one up, haha.

Anyway, it turned out they weren’t moving as soon as they’d hoped, so I was able to fly up last week and squeeze in one last visit. Unfortunately, Mum and I had a doozey of a fight which we both tried to pretend afterwards didn’t happen, but I’m still upset about. No doubt she is too. But our POVs on these issues are so different, I doubt we’ll ever agree. She thinks I’m wrong and I think she’s wrong. Never the twain shall meet as it were. And the next day, to make peace, I offered to stop doing the thing that upsets her so much and she told me it was okay! Which is also frustrating. Family, eh?

I did get to drive a nifty little VW Jetta for two days, which gave me some idea of what it would be like to own a VW, as I’ve been eyeing off a Tiguan for a while now. Liked the car, wasn’t a fan of how hard the ride was. We do a lot of country driving and I want a car that smoothes the bumps on country roads, not just a tight-handling city runabout. But we don’t want to buy anything huge, so it’s hard to find the compromise. Especially now that Subaru have ruined the Forester by making it huge. :(

Other than that, we’ve popped up to Sydney in November and caught up with friends (Brendan and Di and Meghann and Siggi) there. We ate at a restaurant called Strangers with Candy, which was expensive, but worth it. So good. Hope to be there again in early May. It’s the replacement holiday. We had planned to go to WA again, but because we overspent at Xmas, we’re only having five days in NSW instead. We’ll look at WA again in Sept to see if it’s do-able or will have to wait a couple of years.

We went to the Palais and saw Tim Minchin, who just about started a riot a few rows in front of us with one of his songs. We’d never been inside that building before, it’s amazing. I think it’s supposed to look kind of Roman, has columns and so on. The best part was that we had seats in The Lounge, which actually meant lounge-chair type seating which was huge and really comfy. They are refurbishing (much needed!) but I hope they retain the original seats (a recovering might be nice though). We’re going to see Huey Lewis there soon-ish (Darren’s choice, not mine!), so I hope it’s still the same.

Next week will be Darren’s birthday. I have already bought his present (unusual planning on my part) and the next day, we are going to The World’s Longest Lunch at The Noojee Trestle Bridge and then on to Wilson’s Prom for a couple of nights. Barry won’t be lonely either, one of the girls from work will be moving in for the few days we’re away.

Soon after that, I hit The Big Four-Oh. Yep, I’ll be an old fart. I’ve been resigned to it for a while now, but can’t say I’m enjoying the prospect as it draws ever closer. I guess the worst of it is – apart from the outward ageing, Darren and I have been trying to get pregnant and failing. The upside of this is that I can – and will - get trashed on my 40th. The downside is – is it ever going to happen? And how late is too late to have your first kid? (my sister seems to think any kid after 35 is a huge mistake, let alone the first)

The other nagging worry is that I want to move to a bigger house, but we can barely afford the mortgage on the one we have! And house prices are even more insane now than when we bought it in the first place! I keep reading that first home buyers are despairing of ever owning one, but I can tell you that third home buyers feel the same way about getting something that fits more their needs! (in our case, these needs are: stay close to current locale, third bedroom at least, proper backyard, better situated home, semi-detached if possible) If anyone has a spare couple of hundred grand, I can put it to good use, haha. And of course, we probably can’t afford to buy a new car AND a new house. I’m glad our current car is paid off and costs us very little.

I’m working shift at the moment. The money’s good, I get a lot more time off and I feel far more autonomous at work when on shift. The downside is, if I keep at it for too long, I’ll get too old, and they’ll never promote me. That said, I can earn more money doing shift than I can as a senior and the hours are better. Perhaps I should be willing to accept that I’ll never have a proper career with progression. I dunno. I’m sure there’s been hundreds of millions of people who’ve come to this point I’m at, where they realise they’re unlikely to go anywhere on their current course, and have to decide whether to accept that and make the best of it, or try and push their way up against the tide, as it were.

So anyway, that’s me at the moment. And more personal stuff than I usually post on LJ, but I’m feeling a bit reflective. Sorry it’s so long.

Happy New Year, yeah!

It’s hot here. Or it was – until the massive thunderstorm deluged us with lovely, lovely rain.

 

Hubby and I stayed in, haven’t bathed, cooked junky food, drank champers and geeked out all day. I can only hope the rest of the year will be as harmonious and happy. With more bathing, of course. :)

 

I wish everyone who sees this only the best for the coming year.

 

Much love and peace out, man. \o/